Rameshwar Nath Tiwari

1974

Anger Never Lets you Win

Anger Never Lets you Win

As a little kid growing up on a sheep farm near Christchurch, New Zealand, Martin was a bright, hardworking boy, prone to losing his temper and getting angry. He would end up saying harsh words to his friends and family without often realising the impact of his angry outbursts.

Intent on mending his son’s ways, Martin’s dad decided on a plan. He gave his son a sack of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the wooden fence at the back of their farm. The son agreed. The first day, he hammered 35 nails into the fence. As the days passed, the number of nails hammered into the fence gradually decreased. It was quite a task going all the way to the back of the farm and hammering a nail. Young Martin figured it was easier to just control his temper, and not get angry.

And then, one day, he did not lose his cool at all. A day of no nails! Delighted, he told his father about it. And the father said that for every day that Martin did not lose his temper, he should pull out a nail from the fence. Martin did as told, and some months later, all the nails in the fence had been removed. Martin was pleased. And so was his dad.

The father led young Martin to the back of the farm and pointing to the wooden fence he said “You have done well, my son and I am proud of you. But notice the holes left behind by the nails? They will never go away. The fence will never be the same again. It’s like that with our anger too. When we are angry, we say things that leave a scar. And no amount of apologizing thereafter can ever remove those scars. Remember that!”

It’s a lesson Martin has remembered all his life. And it’s a lesson we would all do well to take to heart too. Keep your cool. Don’t lose your temper. And you will see a significant improvement in your relationships. People will like you more, they will respect you a lot more – and you will find that hardly anybody gets angry with you. If you find yourself losing your cool often, maybe you should set yourself a punishment equivalent to hammering nails on the fence. Like Martin, you too might then find yourself controlling your temper a lot better. Good to remember that you can never really win when you get angry. You always lose -your temper, your cool and a whole lot else besides.

Saying ‘Sorry’ is like using one of those erasers on the top of a pencil. It’s easy to use, it feels like you have erased what was written, but the marks remain on the sheet of paper forever. And in this era of instant messaging and on-the-go e-mails, it becomes even more important to watch your words. If you are upset and want to shoot off an angry e-mail or message, hold it! Draft a mail perhaps – but leave it as a draft. Don’t hit the ‘send’ button whilst you are angry. Tell yourself that you will take a look at it the next morning, and only then send it. Chances are, with a cooler head the next morning, you will realise the folly of sending out the angry email. And it does not matter that you are in the right, or that you think your anger is justified. If you lose your cool, remember, you lose. Period.

Next time you are angry and want to say something, take a deep breath. Pause. And maybe say nothing at all. Starting today, resolve to keep your cool. Watch what you say. And see the difference!

भाग्य !!!


अगर हम घर के मुखिया हैं तो हमारे विचारों की गहरी छाप परिवार पर भी दिखेगी। किस्मत पर यकीन करें लेकिन हमेशा भाग्यवादी बने रहना, हमारी भावी पीढिय़ों को आलसी और अशांत बना देगा।

भाग्य के भरोसे तब बैठें जब हम अपनी ओर से हर ईमानदार प्रयास कर चुके हों। बिना प्रयास किए भाग्य के भरोसे रहना ना सिर्फ खुद के प्रति बेइमानी होगा, बल्कि सृष्टि के नियमों की भी अवहेलना होगी। हमारे शास्त्र कर्म पर जोर देते हैं, आदमी को कर्मवादी बनाते हैं। राम से लेकर कृष्ण तक हर अवतार ने कर्म को ही महत्व दिया है।

भागवत हमें जीवन हर पहलू का व्यवहारिक ज्ञान देता है। इस ग्रंथ में खुद भगवान कृष्ण जो संपूर्ण 16 कलाओं के अवतार थे, जिनके लिए कोई भी काम सिर्फ सोचने मात्र से हो सकता था, उन्होंने भी वो सारे कर्म किए जो एक आम आदमी को करने चाहिए। उनके जन्म के साथ ही उनके सर्वशक्तिमान होने की घोषणा कर दी गई थी। लेकिन भगवान ये जानते थे कि उन्हें संदेश क्या देना है।

खुद उनके परिवार में उन्होंने कभी ये जाहिर नहीं होने दिया कि सारी सृष्टि उनके अधीन है। वे हमेशा कर्म पर ही टिके, कर्म की ही शिक्षा दी। वे सर्व ज्ञानी थे फिर भी सांदीपनि ऋषि से 64 कलाओं का ज्ञान लिया, वे अकेले महाभारत युद्ध को एक दिन में जीत सकते थे लेकिन उन्होंने सिर्फ पांडवों का मार्गदर्शन किया और ये संदेश दिया कि परमात्मा सिर्फ राह दिखा सकता है, हर आदमी को अपना संघर्ष खुद ही करना पड़ेगा।

हम परिवार में रहते हैं, हमारे किसी भी काम से ये संदेश ना जाए, इसका ध्यान रखें। आपकी पीढिय़ां, परिवार आपके बताए मार्ग पर चलेगा। भाग्य को उतना ही महत्व दें, जितना जरूरी है। परिवार अगर भाग्यवादी हो गया तो फिर अशांति, संघर्ष और बिखराव भी आना तय है। अपने परिवार को कर्म के प्रति जागरुक करें, भाग्य सिर्फ एक रास्ता है, इसे आसान या मुश्किल बनाना हमारे कर्म पर निर्भर करता है। इसी शिक्षा से परिवार की भावी पीढिय़ां सफलता के मार्ग पर आगे बढ़ेंगी।

Ananya !!!

R .N. Tiwari with Jackie Shroff

Hon'ble Justice Arvind Kumar Tripathi, Allahabad High Court